Self-Care: Pause and Intent Through the Lens of Therapists

Habits are a form of autopilot; they can be helpful when applied appropriately and unhelpful when not. A helpful habit allows us to respond quickly and effectively to a situation, while the negative side can prevent us from making conscious choices or shifting patterns. By applying self-care, we can use tactics to break the cycle of negative habits and create positive change.

In this article, the skills of self-care as an antidote to habit are discussed between therapists at The Sheffield Wellness Centre; myself, Lydia Cresswell, an Alexander Technique Teacher; Clare Longstaffe, a Hypnotherapist and Acceptance and Commitment Therapist; and Kris McKeown, a Birth Trauma Rewind Specialist.

Habits play a big role in our daily lives. Our nervous system (our mind and body connection) understands habit much like a preferred familiar language. Through which the (whole) individual expresses themselves.

Habits, when first formed, give positive outcomes such as safety and effectiveness, such as tightening the muscles to prevent from falling. But as time goes by their original need may no longer exist and they may become a disadvantage. This can happen when an action or mindset is repeatedly and unconsciously applied, much like using the same tool from the toolbox for every task in the house!

As an Alexander Technique Teacher, I am very interested in self-care and what role the power of habit plays. With the technique, I am helping others discover where they are holding unnecessary tension and intrenched beliefs that manifest physically and then re-form them using efficient movement patterns with well-balanced posture and poise.

So, I pitched up in the courtyard below The Sheffield Wellness Centre and invited fellow practitioners to drop by for a chat.

Two separate conversations transpired. Each an enriching exchange, with differing approaches to shared commonalities. Like roads leading to the same place, we agreed that there seems to be a core wisdom that runs through all our methods.

The first being to pause. Give pause to re-gather yourself, give pause to recognise what is happening before coming into action, give pause to prevent the habit repeating, give pause to respond with something new and authentic. The second is clarity of values: intent. To come into recognition of what values and intentions motivate you and act from an aligned self-awareness of intention. This is all practiced with compassion as the glue.

If pause is the conscious collecting of energy, the intent is the fuel that directs one into action. Practicing pause and intention are a form of conscious compassion and self-care, and are a powerful anti-dote to negative habit and the automatic reactions we find ourselves, as humans, so often caught in.

I asked Kris, a Birth Trauma Rewind Specialist, about her own self-care practice. She explained that it is important to her to practice the same skills she teaches others, where every day activities are an opportunity to ask; “how can I do this activity and care for myself?” Kris delivers her methods with personal experience, which offers fresh perspective. For her, the practice continues into any aspect of life including and beyond a particular issue.

Much like in the Alexander Technique, I observed, where continual practice strengthens the connections between the mind and the body, and one can be better equipped for life’s bigger challenges.

She emphasises that self-care can be something you can do in your day as something accessible with self-compassion, instead of expectations that lead to self-judgement. She mused that often self-care can become a list of overwhelming goals on top of your day, and she feels this can add more noise to people’s already un-soothed states.

Her aim is to quieten and bring about a sense of less work is more work, where the self-care practice inserts itself into one’s day like a companion not a dictator.

Kris works closely with parents, especially mothers, and being a mother herself understands how precious the hours in the day are. Therefore, the tool kit she builds for each client is applicable to their daily life to access self-empowerment; recognition, autonomy, agency and setting of boundaries.

She supports her clients by teaching them practices, such as reliable thought processes whilst in a situation; “how can I care for myself right now?” or by learning how to meditate and journal.

Our conversation landed in agreement upon consistency and continual practice being key, as the mortar to the bricks to the home of self-care.

Kris described to me how she sees values as the drivers that motor our habits. Values are behind how we approach ourselves, others and any daily activity. Our values can act like a consistent compass to help us navigate amongst the challenges of life. When we boil down what our values are and what we really want this can help us steer through challenges. Providing a moment of space between us and the “what” of a challenge gives us a pause to re-connect with ourselves and what we hold dear before responding.

Our responses can be triggered by any number of thoughts, stresses, expectations and emotions. When we don’t enact space and pause these experiences push us to our limits. In an Alexander Technique view, they stimulate us into a state of re-activity linked to habit. Kris described it like a traffic light system; if you are continuously at amber it takes very little to get to red. But if being in a state of green is practiced, one can more confidently know how to return to this state. It is a skill set that helps us be more caring with others, self-caring and efficient. We can recognise when we are at green in ourselves, when we are shifting to amber, and when we are entering red. It is a helpful way to be able to articulate one’s states, identify how they are experienced, and recognise what brings them about in bitesize categories.

Kris highlighted what a shared human experience this is, and experiencing states such as anxiety is understandable especially as a parent where anxiety is measurably more intensified.

This flowed into my next conversation with Clare, a Hypnotherapist and Acceptance and Commitment Therapist, where she introduced a powerful metaphor about values and intentions:

“When you’re in the waves, what gets you to the island? Get there first, then have a think—you can’t think when you’re in the waves.”

Clare’s metaphor captures the importance of finding clarity amidst chaos. She explained that self-care, in her view, can feel like a burden if it’s too prescriptive. Interestingly, this echoed my previous conversation with Kris. Clare observed that many people aren’t entirely sure what self-care really means. Clare expressed the importance that self-care is about aligning with our individual values and motivations—adapting it to who we are so that it remains consistent and meaningful. Her work centres on uncovering the “why” and “because” behind our actions, helping us understand ourselves better.

She explained that our values are at the heart of how we navigate life’s challenges. Each choice we make can either move us towards our values or away from them. For instance:

If you value a good night’s sleep because it leads to a better day, moving towards this value might mean going to bed early. Moving away might mean staying up late to watch a TV programme. On a deeper level, if you value compassion, moving towards it might involve staying true to what’s honest and kind, while moving away might mean prioritising being “right” over being understanding.

Clare helps her clients become conscious of their underlying motivations, noticing when habits or automatic reactions lead them astray. Many of our choices seem aligned with our values at first glance, but they can inadvertently take us further from what truly matters.

Her knowledge that she has built guides her clients into realising when this has happened and noticing this in day-to-day choices. Take staying up until 1am to binge a show, for example. It might feel like the right choice in the moment—habits are often powerful and alluring. But by reconnecting with your deeper value of wanting to feel energised and productive, you can consciously make choices that better align with your goals.
This idea ties neatly to the Alexander Technique’s approach of teaching people to “re-direct” and let go of negative habits that “mis-align” them. Clare’s work takes a similar route: guiding her clients through the noise of entrenched habits to identify their core values and true motivations.

Most habits form because they served us well at one point—perhaps in a specific situation or period of life. Over time, however, they can become overused or rigid, leaving us feeling stuck. Clare provides a practical framework for pausing, stepping back from unhelpful patterns, and re-aligning with values that reflect our authentic selves.

She uses a visual flow diagram to map out these pathways, tailored to each client. In moments of intensity, this diagram becomes a practical tool for recognising negative patterns and making empowered choices to get back on track. By creating this visual clarity, Clare equips her clients to pause, reflect, and reconnect with the values that guide them toward a more fulfilling and aligned life.

After our discussions, I came away feeling excited. Through their own methods and experience, both Clare and Kris have formed interesting and effective ways of meeting people where they are at. Creating a clear, consistent and strong base for people to re-direct themselves as their own self-empowered agents of positive change. I was so heartened listening to both Clare and Kris, if ever I were in need, I would be lucky to work with them for my own self-care.

All three of us came from different disciplines, Birth Trauma Rewind, Hypnotherapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and the Alexander Technique. Yet we all found ourselves understanding exactly where the other was coming from. My little morning in the courtyard at SWC, with these two great Therapists, highlighted how fascinating being human is. Some key observations have formed into professions with various wonderful techniques, and yet they are derived from the same truths, just like many paths leading to home, so there can be a “home” to return to for all of us whatever the path may be.